Monday, December 15, 2014
The assiduous nature of the oncoming sirens,
Myles can only hope for the disgruntled hordes to be set back before they find their way to her reticence. As outside one can hear the distant howls and broken screams as they break through the night like a shattering of glass. Next door, she can hear the chaotic mumblings of fearful men, as she imagines such creatures cowering beneath the wooden
tables with such pensive senility. As even now, their perceived notion of such protective walls are being torn down upon the city streets, while the droves of people make their way ever closer leaving their futile thoughts of safety ever farther behind. Even the sky itself, appears to be in a torrent of rage, as it mirrors that of the city below, all while the rain seems to passively fall upon the crumbling masses giving the city a sheen it had otherwise lacked.
Inside, takes on a wholly differing attitude, as the rumbling silence is only broken by the passive clamor of those around her. But even then it seems no more than the white noise one gets from a broken television set.
An the only company she happens upon is the thoughts that now pent up against the walls as if trying to break free. An much like the on coming sirens, one cannot help but worry over such a tragic demise that may soon come. Is she really safe in her towering haven, or is she exposed, much like a lone golfer when caught upon an impetuous storm. Either way, she cannot help but wonder how long these walls will allow themselves to be so disturbed before finally fallen among their brethren.
So now, when faced against such arduous druthers, she comes to realize that there is really only one true course of action. Escape... Escape from the white walls of normalcy, escape from her supposed reprieve that has been built up around her, as staying still could only help but delay the inevitable.
So Myles, now knowing her true course of action, begins to prepare for the incoming flood, and the imminent trepidation that awaits.
Wednesday, December 03, 2014
The sun now peaks below the horizon,
turning the sky a bright orange, that
reciprocates consummately with the fires below,
As the crowds, in turn, engulf each residency in partitioned groups,
To the right, lay a convenience store, adorned by broken glass,
that crackles under the pressure of the chevied mob.
While each individual carries an assemblage of
anonymous junk like squirrels gathering
nuts for the winter.
The streets, themselves, are not only covered
by the gathering horde, but by overturned
cars, and the flickering lights
of street lamps that lay
upon the pavement as if in a state
Off in the distance one can hear the wailing
sounds of sirens that seem to wave
in and out like the crashing tides upon
an emptying beach.
An as they make their way ever closer, the crowds seem
to disperse, leaving only a remaining few
to brave such consequential actions of such
a disheveled crowd.
While the sun, now buried beneath the horizon,
leaves behind the fractured lights of sirens,
an the incandescent blaze that now peppers
this befouled city.
Saturday, November 08, 2014
Just before dawn,
When her poised lips
scarcely present themselves, as
the rising tides subtly crawl towards
the emptying beach, while
her rhythmic breathing contorts
her nose quite
ambrosially. Out in the distance,
the dawning sun springs forth
in a sudden array of a
multicolored horizon, as if the very sky itself
is on the brink of fulmination, like the
bursting of fireworks in a varied mess of colors.
It is then, that she brings forth her shivering lips
Upon my own,
As my now emotional state begins to resemble that of the dawning sun.
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Friday, October 10, 2014
As the light speckled through the thin slice of forest that cuts through the front lawn of the university, a curious feeling came over him, as though an invisible force has wrapped themselves upon Davis' forehead, trying as it might to squeeze the life right out of him. A slight pain, a searing headache, an uncontrollable surge of lost energy that soon followed. Am i having a heart attack, thought Davis, as he felt the slight buckle of his kneecaps as they wobbled in such an imperceptible way as to hardly be noticed. Suddenly, the light became so bright as to wash out all other aspects of the surrounding area, no longer did the slight breeze of the wind tickle his throat, the imperceptible sounds of footsteps from such oncoming traffic, were no longer heard, just silence, an almost deafening sound of nothingness that pursed his lips in such a contorted fashion as to be almost painful in the slightest of senses. An that is when, most uncontrollably, his ex wife came to mind, like a stray dog bolting out into traffic at the last remaining second. Suddenly, he was back home, as his wife, Myles, curls up beside him on the living room couch, as her long messy black hair drapes over his cowering shoulders, while her beautiful brown eyes fixates on the t.v screen like a cat waiting for its dinner. Outside, lays an old apple tree sitting silently in the morning breeze, as the apples themselves seem to be sparkling in the sun that sits overhead. Even now, Davis can almost smell the aroma of tree leaves an apple sauce, from which they would make after picking said apples every Sunday morning. An as he turns his head towards the kitchen, he can see Myles steaming away while her sun stained apron sits snugly against her ample body, as though hugging every last drop of sweat from the searing heat of the oven. An as she herself turns her head towards him with that crooked smile that allows the slightest inkling of her beautiful white teeth breathe through, Davis has the sudden realization that it's been such a long time since he last saw her. As though she is but a memory that has been tucked away like fine China, only to be brought out for certain occasions. It's such a sudden realization that it's as though Davis can feel the very air suddenly being sucked from his lungs, as though his body is being deflated into an empty husk like the discarded remains of a macadamia nut. But as his eyes begin to slowly fade into darkness, he can suddenly hear the distant cries of what sounds like a man being muffled, as if his voice is being raked through a handkerchief by some would be captives." Davis, wake up, Davis!" The voice calls out.
Suddenly a small light begins to take form in the center of Davis' line of vision, at first acting as a small ember shining through the darkness like a single flame in a array of charcoal. But as Davis stares off into this seemingly formless speck of light, it begins to twitch ever so slightly as though it's starting to crawl its way back to life, like a man with little to no sleep trying to force his self out of bed for an early start. An as this small ember slowly begins it's dance, a funny thing begins to emerge from its sparkling madness. It's almost as though the belly of this embering beast is starting to glow, even more so than it is at this very moment. At first, it's subtle, an slight, like the reddening pupil of an over acting eye. Gradually though, it begins to burst open like a blooming flower in the midst of the summer sun, eventually taking over an washing out all darkness that previously resided in its place. An that is, once again, when Davis heard the muffled tones of a distant voice calling out." Davis.. wake up! Davis, Davis. ." An as his eyes began to adjust, the light started to focus, an there right before him stood a short stout man with short cropped brown hair, hazel eyes, an a white lab coat that appeared to fuse him in with the white washed walls of the room. "Davis, are you okay? How are you feeling?"
"A bit woozy," mumbles Davis, "where am I anyways doc!"
"You're in Quasi Corp! Don't you remember?"
"Not really doc, it's all a bit fuzzy at the moment."
"Well you just rest their for a bit, it will all come back. An when it does, I will explain everything than, okay."
"Sure doc! Whatever you say."
As Davis lies there, he can feel the slight breeze of the fans whir overhead, that only serves to ensure the fact that the beads of sweat that lie upon his forehead be momentarily cut off from the heat. Which in turn is helped in slight by the overhead lamp that bears down upon Davis like the searing sun. The room itself, Reminds Davis of a dentists, or even a doctors office, what with the white washed walls, an even the fact that the chair he lays upon seems ripped right from said office. Maybe so to give the so called patients the calm serenity one gets from going to each, or maybe it's just the fact that this very well may have been a dentists in a passed life, which would give certain aspects a more well defined reasoning behind them. In fact, one of the few things that seem to stand out is the wires that fall lazily from atop his chair, that hang down from a metal crane while in turn being birthed by a seemingly heavily armored computer console that sits serendipitously against the wall behind him.
After about five to ten minutes, Davis realizes that his previous bewilderment has subsided, an now for the first time he can once again think clearly. He remembers this very morning, in his apartment up town getting ready for the day ahead. He remembers his appointment for Quasi Corp that he had made a few weeks prior, an even the reasoning for said appointment. The gloriously debilitating fact that his wife had passed just over a year ago, the very woman that he dreamt about here mere moments before. As before he came here, which was insisted upon by a friend of his that went through the same type of experience, he was unable to do many things that he had once so enjoyed. But coming here has made Davis get over certain facts, an instances that he had regretted before she left this world for a better place.
It's been a long year for Davis, but now with all the help he has gotten from Quasi Corp, he feels as though he has gone through a rebirth of sorts, as if his step once more has a slight hop to it that it had lost not to long before. It's as though he has lost all negative feelings he had garnered towards life, and it's occupants, an can finally see a brighter future within his very grasp. An just as a small inkling of a grin begins to wrap itself upon him, in walks the doc once more, with his face momentarily buried in a chart of sorts.
"Davis!" He cheerfully calls out. "How are you feeling, all systems are a go I would hope!"
"Yeah doc," He says," everything seems to have cleared up, thanks."
"That's great, that's great." He says, once more burying his face upon the chart." I have to apologize for the sudden pull out there, but we sensed you might have been going a bit too deep, so we had to take precautionary measures. You know, just in case."
"Precautionary measures doc! What do you mean by that?"
"I mean you were beginning to believe it my boy! Now we can't have that, now can we!"
"No!" Says Davis. "We definitely can't."
Outside, the clouds have begun it's slow descent into overcast skies, as the city itself has turned into a dull grayish tone with the few lights that hover high over head being the only swath of color that happens to break through the drab. Davis' apartment, being uptown as it is, has him taking the A train, which lies just around the corner at Belmont station, which normally at this time would be chock full of people trying to squeeze into the tightest of places, all in the hopes of getting home in time. Oddly enough, when Davis walks up to the platform that lies in wait, he finds very few people standing before him. But as Davis stands there in a trifling bout of confusion, he quickly shakes it off putting this good fortune to impeccable timing.
The A train was built when Davis was but a boy, he remembers his childhood days when they would walk down to see the construction take place, as the whole street would be dug up into a colossal cavern, in which Davis always imagined as a huge grave for some giant grotesque monster that had just attacked this fair city. He remembers how his dad used to play along on their drive home, bouncing around chaotically as if said Giants were just moments from being upon them. Even, at times, going as far as to make up certain stories, about specific areas, as to keep him quiet, like these are the plains of the mud men, or aquatic sea monsters, an if Davis were unable to keep quiet, they would rise up out of the earth to see that only silence would permeate the air. But when Davis looks around the train now, his childhood is no longer in view, as his memories of such events are very much like the windows on the train, glossed over with years of use, to be eventually shaded over with the grime an dirt of years passed. But Davis has always been more in the past than the present, always a little more inclined to the days of yesterday than what may come.
The one thing, in particular, that seems to stick out, is how the A train has developed a sort of multiple personality syndrome as the years passed it by. No longer is it the glossed over, shining example of modern tech that it once was. Now it sits in moderate solitude in the minds of many, as the population takes it for granted as they in turn stomp there way back an forth to work each an every day of their respective adult life. Even the once glossy finish, on the most part, is now covered over in graffiti of differentiating types an magnitudes. Some are small insignificant specks, mostly names an what not. While others are glorious opuses of hand painted fields that once so prominently danced upon this earth. While others, have been oddly untouched, as though they have been deemed sacred ground by the people an the punks of this fine metropolis. Overall though, it has always seemed to give it a sort of whimsical feel to it, a feeling that Davis imagines is his, an his alone. Which may just be why he loves taking it whenever he must, as its stark contrast to the city above makes it appear as though he is being transported to an all together different plain of existence. Which, in turn, is one of the most prominent reasons for him to be going so regularly to the therapist, an a most unconventional one at that. But as Davis realizes, an all too well at that, is that he has been living in a sort of dream state ever since Myles died, but seeing that it has not yet distracted him from his societal duties, he has not yet subsided his quest on that behalf.
An as Davis sits their, with a quiet, stern look upon his face, watching the chaotic images of the city, the suburbs, and an occasional tunnel pass him by, he remembers a conversation he had with his mom just a few days prior, as she finally let loose her thoughts on her sons whereabouts, from a mental, an physical standpoint. Like the sudden clash of clouds right before a torrential downpour.
"Davis!" She would say." I don't think you should be doing this!"
"Doing what exactly!"
"You know what I mean, this whole Queasy core deal you got going on."
"Quasi Corp mom, it's called Quasi Corp, an I don't see why you're so against it, it's fine, it has been helping hasn't it?"
"Well I don't know about that, it just sounds like an escape to me, you need to come back to reality honey, that's all I am saying."
"I am in reality, see.. look, this is me in reality. What more do you want. Besides, that had nothing to do with it, it's just a form of therapy, that's all. You know," Davis pauses,"to help me with a few issues, is that so bad."
"No, of course not, of course not. I just worry about you, ever since Myles passed, you just haven't been the same."
"Well I don't feel any different." Responds Davis.
This, to be honest, is a statement heard in an increasing amount of recurrences, if not by his family, an friends, but also coworkers an such. It's a statement he is not readily able to understand on a whole just yet. As Davis is well aware, troublingly enough, that we as humans aren't really as self aware as we made ourselves to believe. Which in itself is quite the odd thing to state. But the idea of such an incomprehensible change of one's being does make Davis wonder, if in fact it is possible for this newly developed state to change back to the prior one that seems so decisively welcomed. In the kinetic theory, it says that to change a state of certain solids or gases one needs only to apply heat, but what of an object of a vastly superior complexity. As a human, any human, will inevitably go through certain changes throughout its life span, which in consideration of a reversal of said changes is a fairly easy event to bring about. But, as was said, it would be seemingly impossible to go back to a certain frame of mind when one has no idea that he left to begin with.
But as Davis ponders, in his opinion, such inveracities, he fails to notice not only that his particular car has now been filled to the brim, like a swelling river that rises up to eventually swallow up its surrounding area, but also that he has just passed his terminal. An as he eventually awakens to that fact, he acts upon a sudden rush of hormones an stress as he hurriedly pushes his way out the car door an onto the emptying platform of the next stop. An as his body finally begins to idle back to its normal levels, he realizes that he is standing on the street corner a few blocks from his apartment, as the rain pelts down making the usually dull city shimmer in the oncoming moonlight. An after a minute of silent pondering towards his next move, Davis decides to walk the rest of the way, seeing that it's only a few blocks, an for that matter, it gives him a chance to stop by one of his favourite coffee houses that sits a mere two blocks up from where he now stands. This street itself, used to be chock full of neon lights lining every street corner as though some yearly festival that happened to overstay it's welcome. Which is one of the main reasons those signs have been long extinct, as the busier it got here the more the people complained, until finally the city said 'enough!' An banned all forms of neon signs, which now leaves an empty husk in its waste, as the city is now a dull grayish version of its former self. Eventually the idea spread, like a cancerous spore that mutates to ultimately take over its host, with the end result being the mostly colorless constructs of our fine city. But as Davis strolls quietly through the city streets, he notices something that stands quite precariously on one of the store front windows, as opposed to its more subdued neighbors that only try to act as attention grabbers for the passers by, that only appear to scream out in desperation. At first glance, it appears to be nothing more than a mannequin, but upon closer inspection, Davis realizes that it is, in fact, one of those new An-D's, the ones he has heard so much about, as they have conveyed the fact of the more life like models than the older versions that have become so popular among the many citizens of this city.
Saturday, September 27, 2014
The streets might as well be empty, the city abandoned, the whole might of civilization an empty husk of its former self. As in the eyes of one man, it basically already is. But perspective has always been a fickle beast. For one it may be teaming with supportive life, a veritable paradise, while for another it's presently a wasteland, made up of the empty hulls of a once great societal bliss. But with that in mind, a most compelling of questions must therefore arise, like the Phoenix rising up from its very own dead ashes. How than, does two people, under similar circumstances, arrive at two wholly different outcomes. Is it the personality of oneself, or the differentiating environments in which they are birthed. As even under such similar circumstances, each life will no longer be exact.
With the situation that Davis currently finds himself in, as he sits upon the patio of the local coffee shop, as the world roams by, he sees it as a sort of alternating course between the two, like a car switching lanes as to get to his/her destination that much quicker. But he has never been the popular child, has never had others run toward him in a delightful craze, as though so happy to see him that all normal functions cease to exist. When Davis' young life started out, everything seemed grand, he had a life any normal child would have, friends, family, loved ones. But as he began to develop into a brewing teenage boy, he found that his brother, John, was the one getting all the glory, all the praise. Not just from his own family, but from the outside world as well.
John, being into sports as he was, was always the more athletic, an therefore the more outgoing than the two. As Davis grew up, he had only seen his brother by himself only a number of times, as he always had quite the entourage of men an woman alike. Any number he could date if he saw fit, at least how it appeared from afar as Davis always was. An as one could imagine, this irked him repeatedly over the years, as though a small vein had presented itself upon his forehead, systematically pushing itself out ward in a most irritating of manners. He often watched him from the sidelines, wondering exactly how he could make friends so easily as he does, like a magic trick that is only known to a select few. Even when, at certain times, Davis tried to imitate him, by playing some form of sports or otherwise, he had still all but failed to gain anything but a few laughs thrown in his direction. Davis can still remember when he was a kid, trying out for the local soccer team. They were practicing at this park just down the road, called Moose beach. All the kids were lined up in front of the net taking practice shots, an even though he never did that badly, a shot here, a goal there, but by no means a Pele of sorts. The other kids could not help but insult every movement Davis may make, whether it be on his part or their own. As in one part of the practice the kid behind him stuck out his foot, while the rest began laughing incoherently as he fell to his knees. An after turning his back slightly away from them, he saw the kids looking down, impulsively laughing with their vile contorted faces. It's a moment that has stuck with him for all these years, as even now when embarrassment hits he can see their young faces, ever laughing as though they have grabbed hold of his very being, as if they are dragging him down to the pit of self doubt, and disappointment. But that is one of many humiliates he has faced since he was but a child. An as he grew older, the few friends he has managed to scrounge up from his journey so far were, as he realized, no friends at all. When Davis was in his late teens, early twenties, he moved in with a friend or two into the city. There were a few signals thrown his way that this was all but a great choice on his part. An as his wallet seemed to diminish, so did their friendship. Which, in short, was how he found himself here, in the midst of this small section of town, surrounded by none other than schoolteachers an classmates, lovers and friends, none of which seem to have an empty hand of their own. But the story that has unfolded so far, is not necessarily a sad one. As over the years Davis had learned to feel comfort in this role that he finds himself, even enjoy it. But one thing is for certain, this is not a role he has chosen for himself, it was a role that was pushed onto him, he, as a matter of fact, just learned to get used to it.
An so as Davis sits their, he can still feel the cold eyes shine upon him, as he once had, the other day, an the day before. Whenever Davis is in such a predicament as he so does now, he often wonders how exactly should he compose himself. How does someone sit in a manner that pleases others in a way as to not think lowly of him. It specifically reminds him of a book he once read, about psychopathic tendencies, an how everyday people may have such tendencies. In it a man in a Mental Institute, that just so happened to have faked his symptoms in order to get their, questions this very phenomenon. He asks, how exactly does someone sit in a sane manner, how does someone eat, read, or do anything to convey that manner to others. He goes on to say that it is much easier to persuade people in believing you are crazy, than it is that you're sane. It makes him wonder, what emotion is he conveying to others. Is he sitting here in a manner that screams loner, is the way he is drinking the coffee in front of him sending out signals that he is alone in this life. Maybe that is why certain things happen to certain people. As he has often wondered why some people have popularity come so easily, while others seem to struggle. Maybe it is like how certain animals give off pheromones to attract their mates. Is he giving off a stink that is only detectable subconsciously. But that makes one wonder even more, in that how does one go an change such a thing that appears to not be driven by a person's own will. It seems as if a impossibility does it not.
Outside, clouds have begun to form, periodically blocking off the sun, giving Davis a small window of relief from the bearing heat. Even the trees off in the distance that seem to be subjugated by the field below, droop over as if in mid death, as if being strangled by the very air that sustains it. While the field in question only serves to bring forth the path between itself an the school before it, that now, in fact, finds itself covered over in kids an teachers of all ages, as they yell an scream in the social order one would come to expect from such people. As some kids that trot down said path, have with them varying degrees of enthusiasm, as they appear to almost wallow in the pity of the gathering crowd that now surrounds them. Much like the mighty Oaks that droop down behind them.
Monday, September 01, 2014
Into the sea
My love sent me
Beneath the holy waters
Of a mind set free
An as my body arose
While the waves atone
For the tribulations
Of my sentient form
To let the blackness be
Of a mind set free
From a love that fades into
The amnesiac sea
With a mind array
My body some day
Can wash upon the shores of
An a ameliorate
Sunday, August 17, 2014
They meet in the midst of
If you don't turn down the heat
Than it may just boil,
Clover, with any luck than we may just
The sun, falls over head when we were done.
So, I know,
How am I supposed to feel
When I'm blue,
Now what do I do
With this di-sease
Oh please, can't we just
Above, I say it twice
'Cause it's twice of my love.
So... we can do it like this (talking)
( Faster paced)
So every time I see your face,
Reminds me of this time
what a disgrace.
How we waste
So come on
Bring it in..
Be together till the end.
But wait, hold on
You will be mine
Did not mean it,
Not like that
Did not mean it
So now girl so... what's
'Cause I love you
Case you haven't heard!.
Sunday, August 03, 2014
Her eyes, like a predatory animals, pierces through the night sky. As the silhouette of her long black hair gently caresses the curves of her cheek, while the bangs hang down upon her forehead, quite carelessly. She almost reminds me of a predatory bird, like a hawk, or an owl, perched upon the darkness as it watches it's prey. Quite beautiful, quite stout, as though readying her stance for an on coming battle. It's as though she is barely their, as if she is but a mirage of her past self, an image projected from my own being. An as I reach out my hand, into the murky sloth, as though the very darkness clings to my forearms like the musky smell of an ox, my hands only serve to rake against apparitions. As though at that moment, she had pulled herself away from the very fabric of reality. An just as she begins to once again form, my eyes stutter open, in a sudden conflict of interest, as I look over upon the bed to find nothing but empty covers.
Monday, July 14, 2014
"Have you ever been in love?" She says, as the waters crash, upon the sandy beach.
"Once."He sighs." Once."
"Well.. would you mind telling me about it?"
"Maybe." He says." Maybe."
"What happened." She asks, forming the contours of her brows into a ruffled state of confusion.
"Do you still think about her? Do you still love her?"
"What makes you so interested all of the sudden, especially now, after all this time?"
"I don't know."She says." I just saw you talking with that woman the other day, you seemed happy, content. That hasn't been like you as of late."
"Ahh!" He sighs, as if in a state of exasperated relief." You mean Ms Chancellor, from down the street. "
"Yeah, you two seemed to hit it off quite famously, is there a history there at all."
"No." He sighs, elongating the word into a mournful sigh." There is no history there."
"What was her name? The woman I mean, if you don't mind me asking?"
"It was Elizabeth." He says, as if taking in a breath of fresh air for the first time.
"Elizabeth was her name."
"Elizabeth." She repeats. "She sounds beautiful."
"She was, she was." He tells her, as though remembering a long forgotten memory of times past." She reminds me of her, to be honest." He says, cutting himself short, as though he may have momentarily lost control of what words he may have said next.
"So what happened?" She asks him." Why aren't you two still together."
"I did something." He says." That I am not proud of."
"What?" She asks, with an air of curiosity. "Did you cheat on her?"
"No no no, nothing like that. It was worse, far worse. "He pauses, as a bead of sweat frolics down the course of his furrowed temple.
"What was it than?" She mumbles, unsure if she should ask such a question.
"It was just.." He sighs, while the rumble of the ocean pours over each and every word he puts forth." I never treated her as I should have, like a woman, a jewel, a friend."
"How is that worse?" She asks.
"How is it not?"
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
As Daniel looks over the ledge onto the underlying trees, like lily pads on a small pond, it serves to remind him of the very pond he took Jules for the first time. There was this small cut off section from the downtown core, in the Chinatown district, like a hidden oasis in the middle of a desert. It was the first time they found themselves together, an the warmth of her palm upon his own, is the one thing that strangely sticks out the most, like stepping onto a sandy beach for the first time, an feeling the sand as it attempts to encompass your naked feet.
It was at that moment, he recollects, that he knew, that fate was not something primarily regulated to the outskirts of society. But as Daniel stood there, hunched over the patio ledge, with a gentle breeze slightly tickling the nape of his neck, he knew that all was not how he wanted it to appear. As not too long before he found himself out here, a few days prior to be precise, is when things went exorbitantly wrong. Even now, fresh in his mind, he is still at odds to put it into words, Like two entangled particles, even if you saw it happen, you would be utterly confused on the exact details of what went on.
"Is everything alright." His mom calls out, while trying as she might to quietly open the patio door.
"Yeah, everything is fine." Daniel answers in a somber voice.
"Are you sure." She responds, now leaning upon the rail beside him." A mother always knows." As Daniel looks out over the darkened expanse, he can see the slight breeze gently caress the branches of the trees, that notably give way to slight details that he hadn't noticed before. A nest, slightly below the hood of the trees, an owl, perched upon a lonely branch, as the echoes of his call fill the forest, like the waves on a small pond. Even the slight rustling of bushes beneath, sounding as though someone is trying to open a candy wrapper in quiet room. Noticing this, a thought dawns on him, as though springing forth from the empty nether regions of his own mind, or the parting of clouds on a clear sunny day. That maybe, like the trees before him, he is looking at things from too far away, an has yet to notice the minute details.
"Its just that sometimes." He sighs." I feel as though I am in a dark room, feeling around for the light switch. No matter what I might do, I am more than likely going to stub my toe at some point in time."
"Well its not the fact that you stubbed your toe, its the reaction you establish
An interesting thought, an one that Daniel has never quite minded before. Being that it is not the mere fact that the mistake has been made, just more so the idea of the events that follow, the immediate reaction that persists said events.
"So you're saying that my reaction wasn't the popular one, so to say."
"Well I don't know exactly what happened, but I do know that, more than likely, you could have handled it in a more proper fashion."
The moon is out, hanging in the sky as if held up by strings. As though its watching over us, like a deity of old, taking notes for judgement. Everytime Daniel looks up, upon the sky, the stars, an the moon, he realizes how insignificant he is, compared to the cosmos he is but a dot, a grain of sand on the shores of a beach. It always happens to give him a perspective on any problems that might arise, seeing that no matter what, the stars will continue to shine, and the moon will continue to be held up in the night sky.
"So I guess I may have some apologizing to do."
"Its never a bad thing to admit you were wrong, its a sign of growth, maturity."
"Yeah, I guess, I guess."
Jules lives down in the valley, by the river, that cuts through the land like a knife. Its basically the outskirts of the city, big yards, fresh air, an every pet conceivable running around like wild animals. There is one road that makes its way down to where she lives, just to the left of the river, an all the houses that line up beside it. Most of the houses are of the vintage variety, mostly from the seventies, with a few thrown in from the 1950's. All of them have wooden siding, with paint chips, an dead lawns. Patios are most prominent on the majority of houses, not at all like the newer ones you find upwards in the city. Jules house sticks out though, the yard is big, groomed, an clean of most the debris, minus a few lawn ornaments that teeter on the edge of falling flat upon the dark green grass. There is a big, beautiful patio out front, adorned by all types of flowers, shrubs, an small trees.
An as Daniel knocks on the door, he can hear a slight low thud reverberate through the house, like how one's voice echoes over a canyon.
"Daniel! what are you doing here?" Jules says in a confused tone.
"I know its late Jules, an I am sorry, but I couldn't leave things the way they were."
"You shouldn't be here Daniel, you shouldn't have come."
"I just want things to go back the way they were, whatever needs to be done for that to happen, I am willing to do.. I love you.. don't you still love me?" There is a slight pause while Daniel says this, as Jules looks back upon the house, as though in anticipation.
"What's going on?" Daniel asks, quite perplexed.
"I am sorry Daniel, but you're too late. I didn't mean for you to find out this way." At that moment, Daniel notices a silhouette appear behind her, like a specter revealing itself in a haze of smoke. Its a man, one that he has never seen before, he is wearing a pair of blue jeans, with an unkempt shirt, as if it was put on in a hurry. Its at that moment he remembers the moon, back home, hanging above the trees. He realizes that the moon is much like a reflection on a pond, it eventually gets canceled out, by the noise of falling rocks, or the passing of time. An he realizes that it is him, in fact, that is the moon, an not Jules like he would have otherwise thought.
Back home, in the living room, Daniel stares off into the darkness, like a void in reality that happened to pop up in his bedroom. He always knew that there was something wrong, something that needed to be fixed. But he never before thought it would ever come down to this. Daniel, for the first time, can feel a surging pain suddenly erupt from the pits of his stomach. As though a small hole suddenly formed, gradually growing ever bigger, like a collapsed star eating its way through its very being. An seeing that Daniel has never before felt an anger such as this, he is at a loss as how exactly to expose of his new found counterpart, its as though its taken on a form of its own, like a rogue wave that has sprung forth from an otherwise calm sea.
That night Daniel dreams of being in a deep forest, its as though he is encompassed by it, as if it presently sprung forth from each step he has taken. The hood of the trees only allow a sporadic downfall of the night sky which in turn gives the brush a stain glassed pattern to it. As he begins to walk, he can hear the crunch of the undergrowth cold beneath his feet, an the branches of the trees bearing down, smothering him, like a unmitigated embrace of an overbearing aunt. An it only seems to become thicker, almost reaching down into him, until up ahead a clearing becomes slightly visible like a mirage on a hot humid day. Suddenly the hood of the trees open up, allowing the eerie glow of the moon to make its way onto the cold shoulders of Daniel, showering him with a minute sense of hope. Before disappearing restlessly into the night, as the clearing slowly closes down upon him.
"Daniel! Daniel.. wake up, the phone, its for you!"
"What!." Daniel sleepily asks." Who is it?"
"Its Jules, she wants to talk to you."
"Well I don't want to talk to her, just tell her I am sleeping."
"Come on Daniel, I think you should take this, it might be good news."
"Fine fine, I will be right there." Still a little shaken, Daniel slumbers up off the bed, still thinking about the strange events that happened upon him last night. I wonder what it all meant, he thinks. It was like a sudden lack of oxygen, that took hold of my lungs. Daniel has never really felt such dread before, even now, when he thinks about it, knowing that it was all a dream, he still shivers. It was like a giant hand hovering over him, crushing him at a moments notice.
"Hello Jules." Daniel whispers." What's going on, I am quite busy so.." he trails off, quite uninterested.
"Oh.. okay, well I will try to be quick. I just." She breaks." I just wanted to say that I am sorry for last night, I didn't know you would show up like you did."
"Well that is beside the point, my whereabouts shouldn't, an does not, exclude the fact that you were with another man!. If you didn't want to be with me, you could of at least told me, it would have been the proper thing to do." Daniel pauses, an calms his nerves, as he can begin to once more feel that anger rise up from the pit of his stomach." But.. its no matter now, I guess." Daniel, now hearing Jules sobbing cries over the phone, is somewhat taken back. He has never been all too good at consoling a crying woman, an even so, he is bereft of if he even should.
"Jules." Daniel says in a muffled voice." What do you want me to do exactly, you cheated on me remember, why are you crying?" As he says this, he can immediately feel the distaste in his mouth, like the abnormal aftertaste one gets from a less than ordeal pint of beer. As he now realizes that he is between two enclosing walls, on one hand Jules, was with another man, an on the other, he cannot deny the fact that he still has feelings for her.
Still being a fairly young man, Daniel has never been met with something so adult as this, its like being pushed over a cliff. He now feels as if his young hopeful self is now lost, as though he left it behind like a snake shedding his skin.
"I am so sorry Daniel," she says still sobbing," it was a mistake, I was angry, stupid! Please don't let it end like this, I didn't mean for this to happen."
"I just.. I can't Jules, I just can't, not anymore, I am sorry."
The sun outside illuminates the grass like broken glass upon a beach. An the clouds are sporadic streaks across the sky eventually fading out in a whimpering gasp. There is but a lonely tree in the front yard, a singularity upon an otherwise open area. Its branches extend out as if its reaching out for a loved one barely outside of its grasp.
"I am sorry to hear about you an Jules."
"Yeah, me too." Daniel says." Me too."
"So what are you going to do now."
"I am not going to do anything, as there is nothing really to do, she made her choices, an I can't change that."
"Well whatever you decide is good by me, but.. you know you can't deny your feelings forever."
"I know mom, I know."
Daniel can feel the heat pressing up against his skin ever so slightly as though being lightly kissed. An the sands of the beach slowly make there way across his towel like the armies of the Roman empire slowly cascading onto the fields of battle. Susan lays beside, prompted up by her chair that raises her backside up to a 45° angle. The sun falls upon all the bodies that currently reside over the sandy beaches of the lake, making them glisten like jewels being irradiated by the sun. As odd as it might seem for Daniel an Susan to be out together, he can't help but be comforted by that fact, is it just the fact that she is a rebound, or something else that he cannot currently fathom, like looking down upon the ocean depths, never sure what resides underneath. An even though he looks over his previous memories of certain events, he can't seem to figure out why exactly he is so comforted by the fact that she is here, beside him. Maybe it is just the idea of being so effortlessly tossed to the side by Jules, like an empty container that is in dire need for contents, so is interchanged at any given whim. So than why is it that Daniel cannot seem to get rid of a nagging feeling of being manipulated by her, as though some master plan on her part was put into action, turning out the fact that they are now together. But than if that would prove true, wouldn't it also be correct in the fact that he, himself, is also manipulating. Wouldn't the comfort he feels when she is around, be governed by that same idea. It seems as though Daniel is using her as a safety blanket, in a sense, to get around his feelings of loss, an rejection towards Jules. So if they are both using each other, is either of them truly wrong in that fact, is it wrong for a virus to attach itself to a host, or is it natures way of doing things, or is it just another one of Man's reluctance to blame himself. Daniel, being more prone to the latter, sees it as a type of mutual understanding, like the honeybee an the flower, both using each other in there own right, but both getting equal advantage over the other.
When Daniel was just a child, his mom used to tell him the same story each night, before he went to bed. It told of a certain honeybee, that happily went around pollinating the flowers, with no regard of anyone else's well being. Eventually the flowers grew tired of his disregard, an turned their backs. One morning, when the colony went out for its daily routines, they found the field all but empty, the flowers have fled, for different pastures. But when the flowers struck down their roots, they didn't realize that they had planted their own doom. For without the honeybees, their demise was all but eminent. So the bee's, being all but lost, sent out a troop, the very bee that put this all in motion, in a way to rectify his misdeeds. Eventually he came to a clearing, far out into the forest, past their usual stomping grounds. At first sight he thought he must be mistaken, an figured the need to keep searching. Until a lonely voice echoed out from the silence, a voice grasping for it's final words.
"Dylan? Dylan is that you?"
"Dayla?" He echoes out." Where are you?"
"I am down here, just below you. What are you doing here, why have you come?"
"I have come to bring you back, but mostly, to apologize."
"There is no need to apologize Dylan, I was crass, didn't think things through. As I.. We! have realized that we need you, we need each other."
"What do you mean, what happened here?"
"Didn't your fellow companions tell you? We are lost without you, a fact that remained unseen till it was too late."
No.. they have told me nothing of this, I volunteered on the very basis that this is my own doing."
"You may have put it into motion Dylan, but this wasn't just your own doing."
As Dylan flew off, he could see the field descend off into in a cover of trees. The clearing itself was quite beautiful, tall green grass, gently swaying to the tune of the wind, while being surrounded by the tall oaks like the fine hairs of a balding man, all while being juxtaposed against the wilting flowers that pepper the grass, as though a bloody war has just come to an end in the most ironic of scenery's. As he got back, he found the colony in turmoil, friends fighting friends, while the queen hid out of action in fear of an uprising. But eventually, an with the most choicest of words, he got them all back into reality, an a plan of action. But as they all made it back to the field, Dylan found that it was too late. With all the altercations back at the hive, the time they so desperately needed, had been thrown away. But as Dylan eventually found out, all was not lost, as in the rubble, a seedling, a vision for the future of both factions. As in Dayla's final breath, she gave life.
As the sun went down, the people cleared out. There were no more echoing voices of crying children, or the muted sounds of water splashing off in the distance, just the sounds of the seagulls, coupled with the oncoming tides gently rolling onto empty beaches. Susan, still wet from swimming upon the shallow waters, stands before him while the dripping waters make there way down every inch of her body, while the sun glints off her skin like a Greek goddess descending from mount Olympus. Off on the horizon, the sky turns to a burnt out faded orange, washing over the skyline until seemingly emptying out into the ocean. As Daniel looks onwards, he can't help but wonder about the full force of his actions, of what he has already done, an what he now wants to do. How different would things have been if he had chosen Susan on that fateful day, if he would have went against his better judgement. What path would his life have taken. But looking back on your pasts supposed mistakes has always been a vision of 20/20, an a most dangerous turn at that. Daniel has always been one that found it quite hard to vacate certain ideas, or situational hazards if you will, it was only fairly recently that he learned to let things go. But there was no big life changing event that brought upon this realization, no life altering event that made him see things for what they are, instead of what he wants them to be. It was a slow moving process, like a spilled can of molasses slowly making its way down the sides of a kitchen counter, or a snail racing through the tall grass. He just realized that everything that has encountered him in his young life, may make dents, but hasn't yet stopped him from moving on. He may get scratches, both mentally an physically speaking, but life has moved on. Daniel worried about these things so much, that he couldn't ever see himself getting passed it, but each an every time, it has gone by without much worry. The mind has a way of making certain circumstances worse than they actually become. So when Susan showed up in his life, he didn't worry, or even think too much about it. Especially considering that he just broke up with Jules. The past that has intertwined between the two of them has made him a little weary about considering Susan for such lofty endeavors, but Daniel quickly realized that if Jules is no longer in the picture, than he doesn't have to worry about what her thoughts are anymore. Its strange how certain ideas stick with you longer than the actual source material, even though Jules is gone, Daniel still holds on to certain thought processes he had when they were together, like a phantom limb you still feel after its been cut off.
"So are you all ready?"
"Yeah." Daniel answers." Its getting late, we should probably head back."
"Okay just let me get dressed first, an we will be on our way." Susan has a way of getting dressed, that makes it appear as if in the midst of seduction, she does it slow, an meticulous, carefully slipping each arm through, allowing the material to hug her every curve as if by some magnetic force, finally running her hands down each side of her body smoothing out all the would be wrinkles. Its the kind of scene that gives Daniel the chills, as though Susan knows exactly what she is up too, an what eventual reaction she will get out of it.
"You know I was thinking, that maybe we don't need to end the day just yet."
"Well what did you have in mind."
"Oh! Nothing much.. just thought maybe we could end this day over at my house, maybe a late night movie is in order, or you know.. whatever."
"Yeah that sounds good." Daniel tells her, trying not to let his unexpected excitement spill out." Do you want to get something to chew on or anything?"
"No." She pauses." I am not really all too hungry, but you know." She stutters." You can do whatever makes you happy."
"Well that's good to know." He chuckles. I am not too hungry anyhow."
On the west side of town, there are these new developmental housing projects being built, that rises up onto the side of the mountain, looking over the downtown core. Behind the rows of houses lies what used to be a small farm, that is now all fenced off for the fact that so many people have broken into the few abandoned houses that sit behind the main lot. Its a place that barely consists of a town, only having four or five main buildings including what appears to be a school house, or a hospital. Living a couple streets down from this, she has a prime spot to see both the city, an the abandoned houses that seem to almost rise up out of her back lawn. Daniel, riding in the passenger seat, can see all the lights down in the valley, like the sprinkling of sand upon a linoleum floor after a day at the beach. The house is tall, an skinny, with what appears to be a white trim running throughout. But Daniel is finding it increasingly hard to see, with the only source of light being the small spotlight that hovers over the garage door, an the few lights upon the neighbors windows.
"Sorry about the lights, they haven't exactly gotten all the street lamps running quite yet, which is pretty ridiculous if you ask me."
"You would think that that would be one of the first things on the list."
"Well this whole thing has been going on for far too long now, something about rezoning or permits, I am not really all too sure."
As you first walk in, the house opens up to a small foray with the main focus being the tall staircase that juts out of the ground as if by natural forces. A short hallway to the left, in which leads down into the kitchen, that in turn circles back again into the living room you see to the left of the foray. Susan's bedroom is located upstairs, above the kitchen, she has this big, curved, back window that faces the farm out back, that is now barely visible through the darkness. Below that is a small bench that is fashioned with a vast array of different colored silk pillows, an long Lacy curtains that droop down upon them like the cascading waters of a waterfall. Daniel settles himself upon the edge of the bed, as if unsure as to where exactly to sit, as Susan changes in the bathroom located beside the closet on the far wall. After about five minutes, the door creaks open, an out walks Susan wearing a green night dress, with tall white thigh high stockings. Fidgeting on the bed, Daniel can feel his excitement rise as she slowly makes her way over, eventually sitting herself on the bed beside him, as though setting down a set of fine China.
"So than." She whispers." About that
"Well." Daniel says awkwardly." I.. I think the television is downstairs."
"Yeah." She murmurs." But all the action is up here."
When Daniel awakes the next morning, the heat of the sun pushes down on him through the open blinds of the back window. While Susan sprawls out beside him wrapped up in the blankets like a cocoon.
"Hey!" She says sleepily." Do you think you could grab that please." Susan asks, upon hearing the reverberating sounds of the door echo unto the walls. As Daniel makes his way downstairs, the low thud of each knock becomes ever clearer, as though the sounds of hollowed footsteps creaking continually closer, as if belonging to some unknown entity.
Upon opening the door, Daniel is briefly blinded by the morning sun pouring in through the light grazing skies, but as his sight quickly comes back he finds a figure standing there, that suddenly fades off an focuses into Jules, an with his mouth agape, he manages a mumbled verse." Jules.. what are.. what are you doing here?"
"Daniel!" She calls out in grief." What in the hell is going on?"
Friday, May 02, 2014
Jules can still remember when she first found herself folded into such events, at this house party located just a few blocks from where she lives, at one of Alice's friends, which is how Jules got invited in the first place. The parents were out of town, so Sam, Alice's friend, decided it would be best to throw her own party, in hopes to get herself on the map with the popular crowd. Jules never really knew Sam all too well, she was one of those people that one hangs out with when only another specific friend is around. As every time they would be alone they only found but awkward silence. The house was of a modest size, but the main living room was like a sprawling field that seems to barely interconnect with the rest of the house. Upstairs, the hallways sneaks around like an anaconda on the trees of the rainforest. With each room a different door to the same broken universe. Most houses have a sort of chaotic nature to them, a mix of patterns from one room to the next, but Sam's is consistent throughout, making one feel as if in a loop from one room to the next, as if encircling the same room over an over, like the lost forest in the Legend of Zelda.
The place is packed, with bodies moving up against each other like the sands on a beach being gently caressed by the rolling waves upon the shore. Even the music, which seems to have an ebb an flow, moves along with the crowd like a drop of water crawling down the side of ones cheek. As Jules begins to make her way around, she finds that each person is dressed with a glass filled to the brim with various an copious amounts of alcohol, an seeing that she has never truly felt the cold bitter taste of it upon her lips, begins to feel a small pit form in her stomach, as if all other eyes are on her. Jules, at this point, has never seen, nor experienced, the effects of alcohol on the body of a young mind, an so has no idea of the limit that one must adhere to, so as to not make more of a fool of oneself, especially of someone so new to such experiences. But as the night goes on, her inhibitions move out, an she can feel her mind turn fuzzy, an her body turn warm. Even to this day, Jules cannot remember the exact events that transpired that night, but from certain admissions the day after, she learned that she held herself in less than honorable regards. What she was told, was quite astonishing, at the very least from her perspective, as she has never held herself as such before. It was a little later at night, after the alcohol has already taken hold. There was this boy at school, named Nathaniel, that she was always quite taken by. An it just so happened that on this night they would find themselves in one of the rooms upstairs. They sat side by side on one of the couches in the family room, after everyone has left for greener pastures downstairs. An as they sat in silence, she could begin to feel the cold glare of his eyes, slowly followed by the cold embrace of his palm onto her lower back. As it happened, with the effects of the beer already taking full force, it felt like a dream, one that she had many times before.
But as they lay on the couch, mangled togethor in a beautiful embrace, the door suddenly flew open, but as so, with their combined drunken stupor, forgot that the door was even there, let alone still unlocked. An as Sam now stood at the door, mouth now agape in contradiction, she started to slowly steam, getting ever madder at the view she now possessed. Until finally erupting into a volcanic blow of words. Have you ever had that experience, when a certain event jumped you out of your current state, well Jules that night had such an experience. But as she snuck out the back, in shame, she knew it was already too late.
Afterwards, understandably, these events would be all the rage at school the day after. Everytime she would enter those halls she could hear the hollow laughter been echoed off the walls, an the silent, barely audible mockery rummaging around her backside. Even her friends, would eventually turn there backs toward her in a unified mockery, all the while Nathaniel was somehow still praised an glorified as if he had just won the MVP from the school soccer team. Even to this day, after the events that transpired that night have all but faded, leaving only a fogged memory in the back of her mind, she still wonders, how the same event could give two people such different trajectories. What is it, in the mind of others, that give vastly distinct opinions on each individual under such similar circumstances. Is it the person itself, altering the events unto others, or is it just ones opinion beforehand towards each, like a choice that has been made prior to the actual engagement. Jules has always thought of the mind as a broken system that doesn't appear to need fixing, or a machine without instructions, deemed inevitable by humanity to be always used in a improper manner, like putting together a desk from IKEA, you're never quite positive if that is how its supposed to work. Or maybe its not humanity at all, maybe the system was broken when we got it, an evolution hasn't gotten around to fixing it yet. It could just be that the evolutionary track hasn't quite got us to our final form yet, we may be just a prototype in all senses of the word, a 1.0 if you will.
It was only about a year or so later when Susan found herself in a quite similar predicament, as if the sands of time have quickly spun over, repeating itself, or like a broken record forever being looped into oblivion. As this type of thing seems to have a cycle of sorts, like the oncoming winds of winter, as every so often it has another young mind in its clutches. Another mind that distances itself from histories previous lessons, always jumping straight in, never attesting the fact that the water has been drained from the pool. An so being, one could not blame the feelings Jules would have towards her, as her feelings would express just that, a sudden disinterest in her arousing opinions on the subject, an no matter how Susan tried, she was always met with utter disdain. It was only about a week or so later, that Jules finally opened up enough to hear her side of things, an what Jules heard, was quite astonishing, as she never really seen things in such an opposite perspective before.
Back before Daniel first met Jules, he was dating Susan. An throughout the course of there relationship, were very much on an off, so much so that it perplexed all that surrounded them, to the point that no one really knew on a day to day basis what their status actually was. An Jules, being out of the loop, had no idea. Its a lot like schroedengers cat, you never really know if the cat is still alive, until you look in the box. When Jules first met Daniel, it was after another fight the two just had, an Daniel was out back in the smoke pit. Daniel wasn't the one to smoke on a regular, or even in a semi regular basis, but after awhile even he was beginning to see the strains of the relationship, as if the fog has at once subsided, letting in the warm rays of the sun. Even on that fateful day, Jules mood was someplace else, as was her focus. So it was much to her favor that she was not exactly paying attention to where she was going, as if being dragged by some omnipotent being of mythological origins. The smoke pit itself is like the back alley of the downtown eastside, one side is covered over by half dead trees, that only seem to grace the backyard of a seemingly abandoned house. On the other, is nothing but gravel, dirt covered walls, an a small cement siding that seemed to have risen up from the bowels of the earth. Its a place one would only suspect to find a select number of people, normally those of the smoking variety. Daniel, leaning up against the wall, shuffles the gravel around beneath his feet, while flicking the dead ashes into the air as they are gracefully swept onto the ground below. An as he flicks his butt off into the distance it curves ever so gently before dancing upon the gravel beneath Jules feet.
"Oh! I am sorry, I didn't mean to get you like that." Daniel says, standing erect.
"No its quite alright, its hardly a flesh wound." She jokes.
"Its Jules isn't it? I believe we have English together, with Ms Robinson."
"Right, I think I remember you, you're the 'All things with welcoming hands' guy right?"
"Yeah that would be me! Pretty embarrassing huh! I don't usually do that type of thing, you know, all the poetry an
"That's too bad, it was quite beautiful, different than the usual dribble people bring in. How did it go again:
An she says he
Wants like void,
I, want for how.
Or something to that order I believe."
"Wow! I must say, I am fairly impressed that you remembered that, it was a couple days ago!"
"Well I have always had a fair memory."
"Yeah well, still pretty impressive. So what are you doing back here anyways, doesn't seem like a place you would normally be seen in."
"I could say the same for you."
"Yeah! I am not usually a smoker, its just been a stressful few days."
"Anything you would care to talk about, maybe I could help, sometimes a difference of perspective is all one needs."
"I don't know, its just.. have you ever been in a relationship, where you've been completely blinded by the fact that its not as good as you previously thought."
"Oh! Yeah, an you wake up one morning an wonder why you haven't seen it the entire time."
"Exactly, I am just starting to think that its run its course, it just isn't fun anymore. Actually, its been like that for some time, I am just realizing now though."
"Well it sounds like you need to figure things out, see if this relationship is worth fixing or not, I am sure if you talk to her, she would want to do the same. Being an outside observer as I am, I couldn't really justify sitting here an saying you should break it off, as I am not apart of this, but either way, I think talking to her would most certainly help, you can't fix your relationship when one is in the dark about what needs fixing."
"That's a good point, thanks for the advice."
"No problem, glad I could help. An if you ever need anything, you know where to find me." After that day, they started to see more an more of each other, at first it began as just friends, hanging out at various locales around town. It was a comfort to them both, for Daniel it was time away from his failing relationship, that he himself refused to fix, despite the advice given by Jules. An for her it was a door into the world of popularity. She quickly found that just being seen with Daniel raised her up in the social order. The girls that at one time were mean, no longer looked her way in contempt, an the boys now watched her contently from a far.
All this changed one night, as he drove her home, it was dark out, an the lights of the city sparkled in the night sky. An the falling rain danced upon the roof of his car in tune with the radio. It started out innocent enough, a spark, a miscommunication, a relapse of judgement. Which turned out to be the start of something, something either of them knew that they had with in them. Like the flooding waters from a broken damn, that all started with a kiss.
Friday, April 18, 2014
Experimental pt.4/ Her lips almost appear as if in a flirtatious dance, like two lovers in the midst of passion.
The brush still sparkles from last nights rain, while the slight opening upon the canvas above the road allows a chaotic freckling of light stream through. An with Jules at the wheel, Alice sits with her feet upon the dash, while music pulsates from the radio like an oscillating neutron star. Salmon arm has always been a undiscovered jewel in the middle of the Amazon. Like a lost city uniquely known by the locals, but completely lost under certain standards from the outside world. Just driving there seems as though one is trekking through an endless forest, that only gives the impression of going in circles, like the lost woods in the Legend of Zelda. Once you reach the city, the forest opens up to an endless array of small buildings, houses, an other such artificial objects. You can almost see the forest break apart into small groups like a military faction guarding a combine of some sort, as the trees are now sporadically placed throughout town in a carefully planned design, as if to further disintegrate the artificial nature of the city itself. Once you begin the descent in, the silence breaks off into a confusing attire of random noise; screeching tires, the endless sounds of speech, or even the roar of the river as it races past, like a b-line bus that shoots past all other stops. The air though is thick, sweet, like a forest right after it rains. You can smell the distinct aroma of cedar, an sap, coupled with the cool breeze that brushes off of the water at the edge of town. On the whole way down, Jules has all but failed to think of none other than recent events, as it has permeated every grain of her psyche, an no manner of struggling will allow otherwise, like trying to break a chain with ones own hand. Even the music, that sounds as though it oozes off the radio like fog rolling down the side of a hill, is of no solace, as each song reminds her in some way of either Daniel himself, or the circumstances that has lead her to this very spot. But on that drive, as the wind rustles her hair ever so gently, she has realized one thing, a glimmer of hope perhaps, or maybe to be more precise, a sliver of reality. Its an idea so simple, she fails to grasp the reasons behind her not fully understanding it prior to these events, as it suddenly dawns on her, as though a crack has formed upon an otherwise darkened room, letting a small fracture of light in. An at that moment, like being gently slapped upon the forehead, that the last conversation she an Daniel had comes at once rushing back. She now knows, that no manner of explaining on her behalf will undoubtedly change Daniels mind, that is something that he has got to do on his own,
"Is everything okay, you've been oddly silent?"
"Yeah everything is fine. Actually.. I was thinking about the conversation we had the other day, about what you said of you an Steve."
"Oh! About how much an idiot he can be at times."
"Well not exactly!" She laughs." Just how no matter what, you let him be, the bad for the good right."
"Well I realized, that there is just no changing people, that is something everyone has to figure out on their own."
"Yeah.. that just got me thinking, you know."
"That maybe you can actually let loose, an have a little fun tonight." She smiles, slouching over unto the passenger seat, with her legs clenched together as if making a fist. Her hair seems to effortlessly drape over the nape of her neck, as well as her shoulders, like the falling rain, or a waterfall cascading over the side of a cliff, as if it was made out of silk, or satin. You can see the slight glints of sunlight as it traces down her all but blackened hair, making it seem as if the light itself is emanating from her very being. The collar of her blouse, modestly dancing in the trifling of wind, seems to be waving, as if in a flirtatious spirit. Jules has never been as slender, or frail as Alice, but is an object of quiet beauty no less. Her hair is short, barely touching the brim of her shoulders, an is of a light brown color, like the muted sunlight passing through the curtains on the window. Her skin, is pale, white, as newly fallen snow on a cloudy day. Her lips, humbly quivering in the slight cold of the wind, are imperceptibly pursed, as if to be skirted on the edges of laughter.
"So where exactly is this place anyhow? its not some bar I hope."
"No no, nothing like that. Its at this woman's house, one in which I don't know the name of."
"Don't know the name, how could you not know her name, we are heading over to her house you know."
"I know, I know, its not that I don't know it.. technically speaking, its just that I can't remember it."
"Well do we actually know this person?"
"No I have never heard of her before, must not have been part of our circle I guess."
"Is Daniel going to be there." Jules cautiously asks.
"No your fine, apparently he declined the offer."
"Well isn't that a stroke of good luck."
"Yeah.. you can call it that."
The sun is now peaking over the backdrop of the mountains, which gives the outlines of the sky a golden hue, which seem to trail down the sides of said mountains an onto the outlaying plains that lay just on the cusp of town. There is one part of town that slopes downward towards the river, which is mostly made up of shops an services of relative kin. At the bottom is a small row of houses, after that, on the other side of the street, lies a type of makeshift fence, with certain sections already toppled over now covered with the tall grass that grows underneath it. At the end of said road, lies a tall green house, that is taller than it is wide. The garage is like the mouth of a whale opening up to catch its prey. An on the right hand side the earth rises up as though trying to slowly suffocate the house itself, an after that, once more, lies the fence. Only this section appears tall, fertile, like a bouncer at the local clubs. Out front a row of cars surrounds the place as if in the middle of a police raid. An as Alice knocks upon the front door, producing a low thud, as if hollow, they are welcomed by a woman they haven't had the pleasure to meet as of yet. She is tall, lanky, well endowed, an the long white dress she sports flows freely upon her legs getting ever slimmer the closer it gets to her ample bosom. She greets them both with a hollow gesture, while quickly making her way up the stairs to the main floor. As Alice walks up behind, she gently nudges Jules, whispering to her the very fact of how she resembles that of a plastic doll, while Jules gives of a faint chuckle, like the rushing of air slowly exasperating out of deflated balloon. On top of the stairs the house opens up unto the main floor, with the living room taking up most the area. The kitchen sits on the far left, with a single wall blocking the way, that in turn has a large window carved out with bar stools laying in wait. There are two couches perpendicular to each other, that sit on the wall that cuts the stairs off from the rest of the room. The two couches are of an off white, like an eggshell, or a thin line of clouds that cover the sky on an overcast day. A long wooden table stands before them, covered in glasses an trays, that are they themselves covered in various assortments of food and drinks. The place is full, an you can hear the sounds of various conversations pop in an out like particles in the ether. Suddenly out of the crowd, like a rhino charging through the thick bush, comes Eliza, greeting us with open arms.
"Alice, Jules.. I am so happy you two came, welcome. How was the drive up?"
"Not so bad, the weather was with us the whole way, which was good."
"Do you two want a beer or anything, something to eat maybe?"
"A beer would be good, thanks.." Jules says in a soft tone. Following Eliza into the kitchen proves to be somewhat difficult, like forging a trail through the thick bush of the Amazon. The house is a fair size, but the crowd still seems to push up against each wall, spilling out into every other room in the house. In the kitchen there is a large light colored wooden table, with a variety of chairs encircling it. An upon each chair a crowd of people sit as if fighting over each one. After grabbing a beer, they lean onto the counters at the end of the kitchen, which at this point is one of the few safe havens in the room, an as they clink their glasses together, Eliza goes on to ask.
"So.. how is Daniel doing lately, I am surprised he declined the invite."
"Oh! We aren't together anymore".
"Well that is too bad, I always liked him".
"Yeah well.. we just couldn't make it work, you know how things are sometimes."
"I guess some things just are not meant to be."
Outside the rain has started to fall, an the slight tapping against the front window is barely audible over the overbearing thump of the dance music that encompasses the house. Looking around the room, seeing all the people they went to school with, brings back all the memories of high-school, as all significant events, an otherwise, flash before her at every moment an old face shows itself from the crowded darkness. Jules has always looked back with nothing but mostly fond memories, hanging out with friends, partying it up each weekend, or just studying in the school library. But now, as she sees all these faces she once knew, a different feeling begins to come over her, sadness, a sense of despair perhaps. Its as if a cloud has resided over her memories of said events, an now, as if suddenly, the sky has cleared, an she can at once see the blue of the sky for the first time. But as things start pouring in, Jules begins to question the validity of any given event, as we well know the power of the mind to change things at will, an oversimplification, but true nonetheless. How after all this could one remember such things, that are not exactly far off, in a different perspective than originally happened. It is not that things didn't progress the way she believes they did, its more the fact of if she was wanted, or needed if you will at certain intervals, or more of a background noise to everyone else she thought were good friends. Maybe after all this time, Jules realizes that it wasn't her that was the popular one, that in fact it was Alice all along, an she was more of the basic plus one to all the fun that was being had at any given time or place. Like ancient protozoa branching off into two distinct evolutionary tracks, one could always quite possibly have an advantage over the other.
"Do you know any of these people, I don't recognize most of them." Jules tells her, while trying to break through the noise.
"Not everyone, but I know most."
"Do you still talk to them at all."
"Yeah of course, in one form or the other, why do you ask?"
"Its just that I don't really know many of them, I am starting to think I wasn't as popular as I first believed."
"Its not the quantity Jules, just the quality."
"Yeah I guess, but I still wished I knew a few more people here, even if to be a Tad less awkward."
Making their way downstairs, they find a more relaxing of atmospheres, an ebb an flow if you will from one floor to the next. There is a large red couch planted in the middle, with a small wooden table in front, an a hand full of chairs throughout in an disorderly fashion. But everyone talks in such a demeanor, as if being organized from some outside source, as to take turns as to make there opinions more accessible. There appears to be at least three factions of people crowded together to make their own group, but even then you could still quite easily distinguish one conversation from the next. Its as though they act as particle's being cooled down to freezing temperatures, an there for rubbing off our chaotic nature. Seeing that there are less bodies, Jules can at once can finally make out a few faces she recognizes from school. As Alice an Jules take a seat across from the couch the first person to chime in is Susan. They first met each other in gym class, on a rainy summer day playing soccer in the field out back. They were on opposing teams, Jules the left wing and Susan the defence. It was about mid game, an the first half was all but done. Jill, a center field man that sits upon the couch before her , was running down field on the far right, an right before being tackled she passed over to Jules, which only served to allow her to slip on the wet grass. This is technically how they first met, as Susan had the same idea, an they drove into each other with such force that the gym teacher took them out for the remainder of the game. Sitting on the sidelines, with a small but inefficient wood ceiling that shielded them from the torrent of rain, minus a few drops that happened to find their way through the cracks. They started to talk, at first asking each other if they are okay, an after they mentioned a few bruises, a slight headache, an a heightened effect of embarrassment, they started their journey to becoming friends.
Susan has always been the athletic type, like an Olympic speed skater, so she never had any problems with the male part of the species, which is how they ran into problems later on. It was about a year into Jules an Daniels relationship, during gym class at the end of the day. Daniel was in the locker room getting ready to go, an being the only one around meant he had no worries about the other boys attitude towards such childish aggression. The locker room was set up like any other, row upon row of lockers set against another row of benches that spread each apart in a perfect harmony. As Daniel stood there, staring into his locker picking through his belongings, he began to feel a presence standing before him, an as he quickly turned around to ascertain the situation, he found Susan standing there, leaving hardly a breath between them.
"Susan!" Daniel calls out." You scared me a bit, didn't hear you come in."
"Well I wanted to surprise you." She says, pushing her body before his." Aren't you.. surprised?" As Susan stands there, with a slightly unbuttoned white shirt precariously giving Daniel the impression of what lies beneath. She raises her hands upon the cold metal of the lockers, as the warmth of her moist lips begin to graze his own. An Daniel, unable to move, as if in a trance, begins to hear a ghostly voice off in the distance, as if emanating from his very consciousness.
"What are you kids doing!" The voice echoes." Class is over, that is your cue to leave!"
It just so happened that this particular piece of news didn't find its way around school, as the gym teacher, Mr. Roth, wasn't one for schoolboy gossip. But Susan was embarrassed by her actions nonetheless. An so being, was the last time she tried anything so daring.
Friday, April 04, 2014
"Honey, is everything okay, you've been awfully quiet?"
"Yeah, everything is fine."
"You're not still thinking of Daniel are you, you need to give these things time."
"I know, its just i wish I would have realized earlier, you know, before I was such an idiot."
"Oh Jules! Your not an idiot, you made a mistake. Everyone does, its not the worst thing to realize you aren't perfect you
I know, to bad Daniel doesn't see things the same way."
"He will, he will, these things just take time, that's all, just time."
"Yeah I guess so, I guess so."
"So than." She says." Onto bigger an better things, what do you want tonight? Spaghetti or chicken?"
"Spaghetti sounds good actually, haven't had it in a while."
"Than spaghetti it is my dear, spaghetti it is."
Outside the rain has begun to fall with an intemperate ferocity. An as they drive back home, Jules watches the world go by, the trees slowly fading away into rooftops, an houses that seemed to pop up like daisies at the start of spring. She couldn't remember when the last time it rained like this, like the coming flood on the bows of Noah's Ark. Its seems endless, all encompassing, like the rising tides slowly washing up an over the beach. She slightly smirks at all the people running for cover at every drop, as if acidic. As though the mere thought of rain induces a trance of chaos into the minds of the people. Its a beautiful site, watching the rain fall, it seems to purge the city streets from all that once remained. Jules has always felt as though it had a calming effect, like the sounds of white noise one listens to to help get asleep. Which in turn makes her realize that things aren't so bad as they may seem, that any problem that may arise has at most, a most probable fix, an most seemingly an easy one at that. One must always wonder why people have such an adverse effect upon rain, as though the gods pour down their wrath unto the land, or an angry parent raising its hands onto an unsuspecting child. Even the thunder an lightning, that has found its way onto the ash colored clouds, brings with it such an unforgiving fright. One that is unseen, unheard, unknowing. But man has always been afraid of what they cannot control, always struggled towards the effects of nature, maybe that is why they are so effective at destroying it.
Later that day, while her mom stands about the kitchen preparing dinner, Jules sits upstairs by her bedroom window, that looks over that grass an the ever creeping river that only stands to get ever closer to the edge of its banks. Trying to keep her mind off of such current ordeals, has proven more difficult than previously thought, as there is no break in the conversation to bring up other talking points. Even the book in her hands, which would normally bring about such other ideas, proves no condolence at this time. The more that she ends up crawling over such things, the more she realizes that it is not just the mere fact that it is over, but as well the way she decided to end it. Her actions appeared to be beyond her very reach, as if it was somehow out of her control. As well as the thunder, that gives the steady stream of rain a bass like sound, like the pounding drums of such yearly festivities, Jules can begin to hear a faint ringing that seems to emanate from downstairs in the living room. She waits eagerly, listening in to see if her mom would answer, but after about three or four rings she hurries downstairs to pick it up herself.
"Hello! This is Jules." She answers.
"Jules! Its me, Alice, I was just wondering if you wanted to get together tomorrow, supposed to be a beautiful day."
"Yea sure, did you have anything in mind."
"Well I was wondering if you wanted to climb the chief, haven't done it for awhile, thought you might be up for it."
"The chief huh! Yeah.. sounds fun, I am up for that."
"Well I will come over around ten than if that's alright?"
"No that's perfect, see you than."
Jules an Daniel have been together for quite some time, despite there age. But things between them have started to break down, like an old rusted car sitting out in the rain. The honeymoon was over, an that new car smell of their relationship has begun to fade. But since neither of them have ever been in a true relationship before, either was sure on how exactly to proceed. The one thing she realized from this experience, was the fact that no matter how perfect two people may be for each other, sooner or later cracks begin to form, an if you don't fix them in a timely manner, the whole house will eventually come down. Its like the pictures you see of gas clusters an nebula's, from afar they are near perfect forms of appearance an design, but the closer you get the more they fade, an once inside they tend to disappear completely. Such was her relationship, now that it is gone, she understands exactly what needed to be done, but as it was, she was all but oblivious to those facts.
At the base of the mountain lies a small hollowed out area covered in gravel, with only a handful of cars variegated throughout. You can still see the effects of last nights rain, as small puddles have formed in the most unsuitable of spots. Which as well give the trees an oncoming grass a gloss like sheen to it all. The sky is fairly clear, with a few clouds still hanging around from last nights fall, like a handful of people refusing to leave the party after everyone went home. An most probable, from yesterdays rain, the trail up is mostly clear of the usual crowds that emanate from every corner of the forest, as though sprouting up like the very brush that covers the floor. The way up is basically a slight clearing rather than an actual trail, a few signs throughout show the way, which in turn are they themselves covered over in a variety of bushes, branches an other such timid wildlife. About halfway up a huge rock juts out of the ground like a disembodied hand reaching out for life. On one side of the rock lays a small cave, or more clearly a kind of cubbyhole that could possible contain two or more people if that. Usually when Jules an Alice make their way up they find a group huddled inside, with a unlucky few possibly standing outside to bear the elements. But seeing that the day is quite clear there are no people to know of, no huddled masses, or few out of breath taking a slight rest to gain composure.
Jules an Alice have been friends for quite some time, as they met up in middle school when they were young, it was one of those chance meetings that happen every so often, as every time Jules turned around it seemed as though Alice was right there in the mix of things, not in a creepy way, just the fact that she seemed to stand out from all others. They finally exchanged words in history class, with an assignment that had them corrugated into groups of two. An it just so happened that they were the last two to be put together. Jules remembers quite vividly the fact that it was as if she was conversing with a good friend, or a sister, the words just flowed out of her so easily, like a puncture in an otherwise sustainable can. They bonded one night over at Alice's house, upstairs in her room while brainstorming ideas. It never really felt like work to her, more like a slumber party, with a close friend or relative. Alice's mom every so often would bring snacks of some sort up for them, while music played quietly in the background coupled with a slight sprinkling of rain outside. Jules has always had friends, but she always seen them as mere acquaintances, as they weren't all too close to begin with, that is until she met Alice. Its strange how two people can be linked so easily when unencumbered by such manifestations of ones own mind. Too many of us are bogged down by self importance that we sometimes forget to open up to those we meet in our day to day life's, as we in turn never fully realize the singularity of our loneliness. Not to say that it is of our own doing, which at times it most certainly is, but some times things just tend to happen for such people, while others for uncertain reasons, struggle throughout life for any type of companionship. Seeing that Daniel has always been the latter, he has always been fascinated by such complex ideals of human intimacy, what makes one so popular while another stands alone in the background. Jules though, has never had any real problems with the likes of friends, or boyfriends for that matter. Always seemed to have someone awaiting at her door for any chance to pounce, like lions in the wilds of Africa.
"So guess who I ran into the other day?" Says Alice.
"Yeah who is that?"
"Eliza, you remember her."
"Yeah the last time we saw her was at Brian's party awhile back. She got really drunk an started to gyrate all over Daniel, an every other guy at the party, a nice girl, horrible when drinking though."
"Yeah well she said that she is now living over in Salmon arm, an that her an a bunch of old friends are getting together in a week or so, a kind of reunion I guess. Asked if we wanted to come along."
"I am not sure I want to go through that again."
"It will be fine, she did apologize for that, an think of all the old friends we will see."
"I am not sure."
"Oh come on! It will be fun, get your mind off of things."
"I guess it would be nice to let loose a bit."
"There you go, an besides, you wont have to worry about her gyrating all over Daniel." She smirks, as Jules looks over in sarcastic contempt.
"I am sorry, too soon." She laughs.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
As the waters brush up against the shore, like a light kiss from an old married couple, Daniel looks on, at the gently rolling waters being rocked back an forth, much like a mother an her newborn son. An as he sits there, he fails to notice his friend James saunter over beside him.
"Hey Daniel, how are things?"
"Not bad James, not bad."
"So.." he pauses." I heard about you and Jules."
"Yeah, what did you hear." Daniel cuts in, still looking off into the distance.
"Nothing much really! Nothing much." Across the lake, upon the shores, Daniel can now see the slight outlines of cows grazing the edges of the water, picking away at the marshes of grass that blur the lines between the two opposing factions. There is a farm around here, that James nor Daniel has ever seen, apparently hidden away deep in the forest somewhere. The only evidence being the cows that parade around the surrounding lake at will.
"Have you talked to her at all lately?"
"No.. no I haven't, not since it happened."
"Oh, that is too bad. I seen her the other day actually, at Dave's, she was asking about you."
"Oh yeah." Daniels replies, trying not to show any sign of interest." What did she have to say?"
"Just how you were doing, you know, the usual stuff."
"An what did you tell her." Asks Daniel squinting, blinded, by the overlaying sun.
"I didn't tell her anything, to be honest, as this is the first time seeing you since than."
There is a part of the lake that's sanctioned off for swimming, with a dock that juts out of the shore a fair ways out into the water, which is just barely visible from Daniels standpoint. You can see the children playing, an can hear the imperceptible sounds of laughter that now seem to permeate Daniels earlobes, as if mocking him. Such innocence, such beauty, such sadness, he thinks. To know that they will look back upon this day, these years, quite fondly, wishing they could go back, while not realizing how special these fleeting moments are in which they are presently subsisting.
"Yeah." Daniels says apologetically." I haven't really been in any mood as of late."
"So she was asking about me huh! What was that about."
"I think she misses you, which is a bit strange if you ask me."
"Yeah your telling me."
"Well anyways." Says James, getting back up on his feet." I think your better off without her. I will talk to you later okay."
"Yeah, yeah of course."
Back at home, Daniel sits upon the front porch, watching the breeze gently push against the trees in a light caress. The streets are fairly empty, minus a few kids on the lawn across the way. While a litter of cars sit aside the road unused, with there windows gleaming in the midday sun. Its so peaceful, quiet, that as Daniel leans his head back he can begin to feel his eyes drift off in slumber. As the light that fractures through the wood of the front porch warms his skin in various spots throughout his body. With his eyes closed, he can hear the sounds of nature ever clearer, the chirping of songbirds sing in tune, while the chipmunks playfully speak to one another while inevitably storing nuts for the oncoming winter. Even the laughter of children that wave back and forth like the crashing of white crests upon a sandy beach.
But Daniel has never seen the ocean, never once experienced the valiant blue waters of the sea. He dreams of it, every so often, but he finds it hard to imagine something of that magnitude, that sheer size, like a locked door in which there is no key, there is just no way to know what exactly lies on the other side. Which is what Daniel fears the most, the unknown.
"Daniel." A voice whispers out, like the sounds of frogs at night near a grassy slough. As Daniel open his eyes, he see Jules standing before him, as the sun halos around her, giving her a distinct glow.
"Jules," Daniel says quite discombobulated," what are you doing here."
"I am sorry to make my presence quite unannounced, but you weren't answering my calls."
"Well there is a reason for that Jules."
"I know, I know. But I think it would be best if we talked, if I explained myself, even if its for my benefit." Still silent, Daniel now feels as though he is being tossed by the raging squall of the open sea. A small boat teetering on the edge of the unknown.
"Well would you mind if we went inside to talk." As she says this, a sigh emerges upon Daniels lips, realizing that the subsiding storm has apparently prevailed. An so he begrudgingly gets up, asking Jules to come on with him inside.
The living room is dark, with the only light breaking through the blinds of the front window. A small red linen couch sits in the near center, followed closely by a short light colored wooden table. Facing it all, is a heavy setted brick fireplace, with the television hanging over it an upon the wall. Daniel turns down the blinds, shunting the sunlight from coming in, instead turning on the tall skinny lamp to the left of the couch. Jules is the first to sit down, while Daniel offers up a drink of sorts. Even if to hold of the inevitable for a little while longer. Daniel has never been cheated on before, or had that gut wrenching pain that seems to accompany it, an so being, doesn't feel any need to relive those certain set of events after the fact. But now that Jules sits there, awaiting him, it seems ineludable, like an impending doom that hangs over ones head, making the surrounding area dull an lifeless in comparison.
"So now." Daniel says setting a coffee on the table before Jules." What was it exactly you needed to say."
"Well, its just," she pauses," I am going to start off by saying, there is no excuse for what has happened, I know that. Even if our relationship wasn't exactly headed where I initially planned, that is no reason for what I have done. But I miss you.. I know that may not be any consolation, but I want things to go back to normal, back the way they were." Jules, with her lips quivering, is trying unsuccessfully to hold it together, like a dam on the verge of disrepair, getting ready to burst.
"I am sorry!" She says, at once bursting open the quiet waters." I messed up, I was angry, I just don't think I can do this without you."
Daniel watches, as her emotions pour out before him, finding himself at a complete loss, never quite sure if he should attempt to calm her, or to let it all happen before him, as though two cars have collided, an the curious nature of mankind has kicked in.
"I am sorry, but you did cheat on me, I know I made my mistakes, I may not have been the most attentive of boyfriends, but does that give you the right? An now to turn around and suddenly care how I feel!"
"I've always cared!" She cries.
"It didn't seem that way when I came over that day."
"I know, I know." She tells me wiping away the tears that have collected upon her lower cheek." I wasn't in the best state of mind, I was just so angry at you for the day before."
"That may be, but considering that your first train of thought is to not come talk to me about it, but to jump into another mans arms." Jules sighs as I say this, while momentarily wrapping her hands around the tops of her brow. An her eyes are now filled with defeat, as though their once warm glow has passed on, like the evaporating waters of a small pond upon a bright sunny day.
"Okay Daniel, you win.. I am sorry for wasting your time today. Hopefully in due time you can forgive me, like I have forgiven you."
The sky is now covered with a thick layer of clouds, that only let in thin strands of sunlight that are freckled about onto his front yard, like the ones Jules supports upon her cheeks. Daniel stands on the patio, leaning on the post atop the stairs, watching as Jules gets into her car, eventually departing around the corner under the cover of trees. Now that Daniel has witnessed this particular side of her, he finds he now has a small lump in his heart, like the melting of snow on a warm summers day. Is this the lingering effects of the once passed love he had felt for her, or a new beginning of said emotion. Watching Jules disappear around the corner like that, has at once stamped a finality to the situation, something he thought he already had.
Living in a fairly small town, Daniel has the distinct luxury of an abundance of trails, Parks, an lakes situated varyingly around town. One of these trails he often frequents is a bit farther out than the others. Its called the chief, called so because of being located on a native preserve, an the exceeding paramount of it over the land. It is on this fine morning that he decides to meet up with his friend James for a quick spurt around this most prominent of nature preserves. Getting away from the disorders of man, an seeing nature in this way, always gives Daniel a relaxing outlook, as though to easily make such important decisions that so happen to be on his mind. When Daniel an James first met, they were just on the very cusp of high school, an the difference of perspective this has on a child can prove most difficult. Which is why they banded together so easily, as strength in numbers usually prevails. Throughout those times, they were most inseparable, like the fighting off of demons in one of their beloved video game franchises. They were outcasts, never picked for sports, or able to join in on a late night party at the popular kids houses. It wasn't until they met a group like their own that the social aspects of life began to open up to them. It wasn't exactly of the popular variety, but with that being said, it made him realize that that is just a state of mind, a thought that he doesn't want to be a part of. As things tend to happen, most of his new found friends eventually dropped off his radar, with only James being the one that prevailed. Which in turn, brought them here, at the base of the chief on such a beautiful day.
"Are you sure your ready for this?"
"Ready an willing James, ready an willing."
"Well we will see about that old man."
"I am only a year older than you, not even."
"We will see about that." The trail to the top, is not technically a trail at all, more like a minor clearing up that tends to encircle the mountain. Once you near the summit, a long rusted chain hangs from a low sloping cliff, like trying to scale a 45° incline of marble. But once over that final hump you are treated to a view unlike many other. There are no more trees, shrubs or bushes up here, just a wide clearing looking over the Pacific, an the surrounding mountains. James has always been the type of friend that doesn't nag any present concerns that Daniel may be fighting over, instead he is quite content at letting others forget their troubles, even if its for a little while. As Daniel an James trek through this troubled forest, his mind inadvertently ends up on Jules, an no matter of detesting seems to remove that fact. Just the fact of imagining her with another man, makes him feel wholly inadequate, a broken delusion, or a shattering of glass. The idea that as a man he could not accomplish as being such. Daniel has never thought of himself in such a way, a kind of cliched version of what society feels a man should be. But even with that being said, at this point, he does not feel as if he is any type of man at all. Just a emasculated husk of his once former self. But thinking of such things as this, makes him wonder if its Jules he is mad at, or himself. Or more of a combination of the two.
"So me an Abby went to the city the other day, for this night out."
"Oh yeah! Where did you guys go to?"
"We went to this little restaurant called the Murakami's grill. Its this tiny place off of second an national, great food, great service, you know.."
"Don't think I have heard of it actually, sounds pretty good though."
"So anyway, we are sitting there enjoying our meals when Abby realizes that her knife is a bit dirty. Obviously she doesn't want to use it, so we bring it up to the waiter."
"Okay, well what did the waiter say."
"He stood there for a second you know, staring at this knife like he is figuring out what to do with it. Eventually he gives off this deep sigh an tells us he his sorry about this, an that they are doing whatever they can to fix it. So the waiter wanders off you see, in to the back. Me an Abby just kind of look at each other weirded out by all this, until after a moments silence a man walks out the back with his apron in his hands, an the manager following behind. He ends up throwing the apron on the floor getting angrier every moment that passes. An get this, he asks who it was, he wanted to know what customer complained."
"Seriously, he wanted to know who it was, what was he gonna do anyway?"
"I don't know, I was wondering the same thing. But obviously Abby is freaking out about this guy, which is understandable.
They ended up taking it outside, apparently firing the guy. It was crazy, like that Monty python skit where the owner stabs himself with a knife."
"But in this case it would have been you I guess."
"Yeah.. I guess so," he laughs," I guess so."