Tuesday, October 20, 2009

In a beautiful lonileness of a hazy dream.

outside the ice is retreating, floating back in the air from whinst it came. and the sky is a darkish grey. the cold emanates my bones and breaks the spirits, but the day has just begun.
my tiny apartment seems to slowly swallow me whole. and i sit on my bed. fully dressed, with my grey suit on. staring at the cracks in the wall. awaiting for the time to get up and go. today is the day of the first day on the job. doing papers and paperwork, watching the people through the windows pass by on there constant attempt at non instability. and just now from thinking about it i am feeling tired. last night was a dismal dream, dreaming of being able to sleep.
and as the clock rings out , calling me to my feet. i slowy get up and differentiate myself from the chair. and so i put my gloves on, open the door, and let in another day. as i walk down the street i find the people are huddled against themselves. their breathe frozen in mid air just out in front of them. and the clouds scatter the sky like a broken windshield. the buildings tower overhead like desolate mountains. and the wind spins through the city freezing everything to the bone.
the city seems quite when in the grips of death. the cars are glazed over skeletal remains. and strange creatures huddle in not wanting to come out. and its wierd how the city works. small villages withen greater cities. where on your street you know most everyone. and i cant help but say hello to the few and far between. and my nerves are racking up like mountains. as the view from here is desolate and lonely.
i have never been the one to make friends, never knew quite how. like some great barrier surrounds me. blocked off from the world. never has stopped me from trying though.
and now its the city that turns a subtle grey, as the fog moves in masking the city in a dull glaze. and everything seems to appear out of nowhere. showing there face shortly while in the midst of fading away. now that i think about it. it almost seems like the ingrediant of life, that everyone will eventually someday leave you.